The Early Days of a Micropremie
Day 3.The top rises. My eyes are uncovered. It is really bright this time. My face tightens against it until the brightness dims. Someone new is there. There is a warm wetness on my chest and a smooth, cold object presses down on it. She moves it around and presses again and again. My chest hurts. I feel like I'm going far away. The nurse, a different nurse, says something and she stops. I feel better. Then she starts again, pressing on my chest. The wetness is becoming cold. My hands and feet are cold again. She stops and the nurse wipes off the wetness. He talks softly as he sticks the probe under my arm, wipes my eyes and mouth, sucks out my mouth and chest. Lifts my legs and changes my diaper. I am tired and empty again. My feet and hands hurt. The eye mask is put back on. The top comes down. Hands come in, the mask over my eyes is taken off and I am covered with a soft blanket. The top rises. I don't feel the brightness and the cool air. The blanket slowly comes off but is left on my head; the light is not on me; I can open my eyes. It is the nurse again. He does things to me again. This time the tube in my chest really hurts before it sucks the air out of my lungs. My heartbeat slows then gets faster again. The mask is put back on my eyes. Another woman is there now. More warm wetness and something smooth pressing on me. This time it is on my head. There is pressure but it does not make me feel as bad as the pressure on my chest before. She stops. Then there are voices. The doctor is there and the pressure on my head begins again. The nurse wipes it off. The skin on my head feels stiff and achy after the leftover wetness in my hair dries. There are voices. Mom and dad; doctors; the nurse is there also. Dad's voice is loud and harsh; angry. I feel empty and cold. The doctor is talking. Dad is quieter now; sad. Mom is crying. The pressure is back in my head. The nurse's hands come in followed by the fuzzy, tired feeling. I go to sleep. The pressure comes and goes. Sometimes I feel bad all over. My heart will pound and I feel the pounding in my hole body, inside my head. Sometimes I feel ok; fuzzy and sleepy; I don't care if I feel bad. Something is going on outside of my darkness. Bells are ringing; voices are loud; the sound of things getting moved go by me; someone is yelling for a doctor. My body jumps. Again and again. Hiccup. Hiccup. It fights the air pushed into my chest. It startles me. The pressure goes away so much I feel empty; my heart feels tired again and my feet are cold and hurt. I sense a lot of people but the voices are shushed. It becomes quieter. I hear a woman and a man crying but it is not my mom and dad. There is more pressure. I go to sleep. Mom and dad are still there. It is louder now; voices and people moving around. Bell's are ringing. Mom and dad move away and the nurse is there. My heart is slowing. The bells stop and the nurse is talking to me; fingers tapping my feet. My heart beats steady again and I go to sleep. back to top |
