The Early Days of a Micropremie
Day 4.I feel different. Is it anxiety? Fear? Things happen suddenly and I don't know what to expect. The top of my bed rises with a loud hum and the light and air rushes in at me. Once again muffled voices are clearer and louder; I hear laughter. My body jumps at its suddenness then I feel weaker. My heart is pounding against my chest; it is taking all of my energy. I can't bring my hands to my mouth; I'm not strong enough. My arm is held down on top of a hard probe. It is bright; I can not open my eyes in the brightness; it hurts. My face feels all pulled in around my eyes. I know I'm doing it but I can't stop it. The top is up but the mask is still on. The nurse is touching my hands and feet, squeezing my arms and legs, and pulling me. He is wiping something cold and wet on me; sometimes it stings and burns my skin. There is a sharp pain in my hand. I feel fuzzy so I don't care too much. I am too tired to even tighten up my face. Then there is a burning sting there as the cold wet thing is pressed onto the same place. There is another sharp pain, this time in my foot. A cool feeling runs up my leg. My foot is wrapped up. My ankle is being held straight on a board; it feels weird. My leg jerks. I am tired and cold; I go to sleep for a long time. I wake up as hands are coming through the holes on the sides. They are doing something with the lines going into my belly. My head suddenly feels light; empty inside; bad. Just as suddenly there is pressure, bad pressure. The hands go away. My heart is pounding. The hands come back and do something to my lines again. A sudden sensation washes over me; fuzzy but good. The same feeling I've felt before but more of it. When the top goes up I'm too sleepy to care about the voices and noises. I still don't want to open my eyes but I don't feel my face tighten up this time. I feel the probe under my arm, and the sticking in my chest but it doesn't overwhelm me like the last time. Still my heartbeat slows. It does not want to speed up again. The bells are ringing. I feel empty; I need something but I don't know what it is. The breathing changes; faster and harder. My heartbeat gets faster; it is pounding again. My hands and feet feel so cold and they hurt. There is pressure in my head but the good fuzzy feeling keeps taking it away. The room is dark and quiet when the nurse does things to me. I can hear him shushing voices that get loud around me. My hands and feet are warm again. back to top |
