The Early Days of a Micropremie
Day 5.I slept for a long time but now there is a very loud voice. A baby is crying. Bells are ringing. The baby is crying again. People are laughing. The nurse shushes them. Bells are ringing. The air is not getting into my my chest. I feel weak and distant. The top rises and my nurse is there. He is talking softly to me, asking me things and touching me. He suctions me. Only a little air comes back into my chest. I try to breath some; it takes all my energy to try to pull my lungs open with the muscles in my chest and belly. I feel bad all over. The top is still up. The bells keep ringing. They hurt my head. I hear more voices. They are talking around me; it is loud. I feel empty and weak. The bells ring again. The woman's voice that has been with me more than others shushes the voices. The bells stop. I hear my mom weeping; she is sad and it has to do with me. I feel sadness. My dad's voice is there also. He is talking with the others. The top comes down. My mom and dad's hands come through the holes and cup around me. They are warm and gentle. I go to sleep. The door to the isolette is opened. My mask is taken off. I jump as I am startled. It is bright. The probe is under my arm. I don't know this nurse. My feet are lifted and my diaper is changed. It is all so sudden. I feel pressure in my head again. I feel the sticking feeling in my chest before all the air is sucked out. I feel weak and empty. My feet are cold. I have the hiccups. I hear the baby crying again. It sounds so angry. Bells are ringing. The tube in my chest is hurting me; it sucks my air away. I am cold again. I feel the machine working but my chest is not getting filled with air. I feel far away. I am quickly turned; flat on my back. My heart beats slowly. The nurse is yelling. Mom is crying. Dad is yelling. More people are there and I can't hear mom and dad anymore. People are doing things to me. All the voices sound far away even though they are loud. They keep sticking me with the tube in my chest, sucking at it. There is a lot of pressure; a little air comes in. Someone is pressing on my chest, hard and fast. Suddenly the air is filling my chest; it hurts it's so full. My heart is beating faster. The doctor's voice is there now. The top comes down. My heart is beating faster than ever. My head hurts with pressure. I am so cold. The nurse's hands come through the holes and the fuzzy, good feeling comes over me, but only a little. The doctor is talking. There are other voices. The top goes up and I am moved from belly to my back. The tube in my throat is moved around. The machine is gone but there is a hand squeezing the air into me; hard, long breaths. Some more air is getting into me. My lungs burn. My feet and hands are cold. It is too much. I go to sleep. There is another machine. It is loud and thumping. I try to breath but my lungs vibrate with from the machine. My whole body vibrates with it. It vibrates in my head. The mask is pulling on my face. My feet and hands are cold and hurt. Mom and Dad are here. They don't touch me but I can hear them. My mother is crying. I wish they would touch me. I feel the pressure in my head. The nurse is there and the fuzzy feeling puts me to sleep. back to top |
